Pictures Of You
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Wesley finds Angel in a sad, lonely moment.  ANGSTY as HELL


TITLE: Pictures Of You  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Wesley finds Angel in a sad, lonely moment. ANGSTY as HELL  
SPOILER: The Gift & There's No Place Like Plrtz Blrg or whatever the Hell it was called  
RATING: TV-14 - it's a bit dark. Okay, it's a lot dark.  
DISTRIBUTION: http://planetslaythis.homestead.com  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Angel or Wesley. Joss and David G. do. I don't own the song, either, but The Cure does.   
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I found these lyrics in my favorite places and this just boiled out of me. So enjoy...  
  
  
  
The hotel was quiet.  
  
Too quiet for Wesley. He got scared when things were quiet, mostly because the last time he found the hotel quiet, it was because Angel was upstairs, fornicating with the enemy, namely Darla.   
  
The former Watcher shivered and entered his former boss's office.  
  
Angel was on the floor, a small ritualistic-looking fire before him. He had a photo album in his lap, and he was pulling out the pictures, one by one.  
  
"What are you doing?" Wesley asked softly.  
  
"Go away, Wesley." It wasn't a request, and Angel's voice was so purely animal, it sent chills up Wesley's spine.  
  
"I don't think so," he knelt beside his friend and took a closer look. Just as he'd thought, the photos were of Buffy.  
  
"I said GO AWAY!" Angel glared at Wesley, his yellow eyes glowing, though his human face remained in tact.  
  
"No." Wesley said just as flatly. "I don't think you should be alone right now."  
  
"I don't care what you think."  
  
"You will," Wesley said firmly. "When it's been a few months and you're alone and you need to talk and I'm not here, you're going to care."  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
Wesley was surprised at this angry side of Angel. He'd seen Angel evil, crazy, even completely depressed and withdrawn, but never had he seen him so furious.  
  
It was the loss of Buffy, Wesley knew that, but it was also the loss of control that Angel felt now. Before, he'd always had a sense that Buffy was safe, that if he ever needed her, she'd be there. Now that assurance was broken. Buffy was gone forever and nothing could ever bring her back.  
  
Wesley sighed, staring at his friend, wishing there was something more that he could do. Resolving that there wasn't, he sat on his heels and waited for Angel to speak.  
  
Not surprisingly, the vampire didn't say a word. He pulled out another picture of Buffy, stared at it, kissed it lovingly, then tore it into four pieces and tossed it into the fire.  
  
It was then that Wesley noticed the Amulet of Verbana in the center of the fire. He gulped, knowing what that Amulet would mean.  
  
The Ritual of Verban was an old one, originated somewhere in France but a Princess whose lover married her eldest sister. The Princess used the jeweled necklace her grandmother left her as a blessing piece and cast a fire while chanting to erase all memory of the man from her mind. It worked, and when she died, other members of her secret coven turned the charred necklace into the Amulets of Verbana. There were only a few, five at most, and they were both very rare and expensive. Wesley was surprised that Angel had tracked one down.  
  
He wondered, monentarily, why Angel would truly want to erase all memory of Buffy from his mind. It had been five long, tortorous years of his life that he'd shared his heart with Buffy's, but there was also a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that promised his redemption at some point in the future. Wesley knew that Angel prayed day and night that his redemption would come during Buffy's lifetime, so that they could have a little more time, even more one happy day.  
  
The photos were growing fewer and fewer as Angel went on with the ritual. It wasn't Wesley's place to step in, to stop Angel from something he would somehow regret later, so he sat back and watched.  
  
And waited.  
  
There was one photo left now, of Buffy at the prom. She was in the center of the floor, holding the Class Protector Award she valued so much. Her smile was genuine, and Wesley believed that Willow had snapped that photo of Buffy's expression as Angel entered the gym.  
  
Angel kissed the photo, and held it to his lips for a long time. He pulled it away, put his fingers on the center of the photo, and paused.  
  
"You don't have to do this," Wesley said quietly.   
  
Angel nodded, then tore the photo in two.  
  
  
//I've been looking so long at these pictures of you  
That I almost beleive that they're real  
I've been living so long with my pictures of you   
That I almost believe that the pictures   
Are all I can feel  
  
Remembering you standing quiet in the rain   
As I ran to your heart to be near   
And we kissed   
As the sky fell in   
Holding you close   
  
  
Remembering you  
Running soft through the night   
You were bigger and brighter than the snow   
And screamed at the make-believe   
Screamed at the sky   
And you finally found all your courage   
To let it all go  
  
Remembering you   
Falling into my arms crying  
For the death of your heart you were stone  
White so delicate   
Lost in the cold   
You were always so lost in the dark   
Remembering you  
How you used to be slow   
Drowned you were  
Angels so much more than everything   
Hold for the last time   
Then slip away quietly   
Open my eyes   
But I never see anything  
  
If only I had thought of the right words   
I could have held on to your heart   
If only I'd thought of the right words   
I wouldn't be breaking apart   
All my pictures of you  
  
Looking so long at these pictures of you   
But I never hold on to your heart   
Looking so long for the words to be true   
But always just breaking apart my pictures of you  
  
There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more   
Than to feel you deep in my heart  
There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more   
Than to never feel the breaking apart all my   
Pictures of you\\


End file.
